this blog has encountered some serious problem

soo i am gonna close this blog ... =_=

Woke up at mid-night again with only one word in mind: Lost

This afternoon, I had a good cry. I feel lost. I can't make sense to everything. I cannot concentrate, I lost faith in myself…. I lost faith on what I used to believe and rely on...

For quite a long time I struggled not to admit myself as a loser but at the mean time the feeling of hopelessness and disability are all that fill my heart.

I know the problem!! I just don't wanna face it. Somehow I told myself not to touch it, not to look at it... in order to stay calm and peaceful. The fact tells me that I was wrong. Turning a blind eye to the problem makes me even more miserable... I started telling lies...  both to myself and to others... just to escape from the reality. Feeling scared and uncontrollable...  feeling insecure and inferior... Many times I told myself not to think too much, I know I shall be brave and positive…I tried hard not to disappoint anyone…but things just can't workout !! I fell into a cycle of self-pity. Feeling Depressed ;  Compromised;  Got used to the situation..... and even loses the ability to express myself.

I WANT A WAY OUT!! Maybe it's time to rethink where I shall put my focus on, what is my role...what to hold on and what to let go...

I need some time.

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